This 1s 4 BAE xox
What makes a world class top quality GIF? Its all in the timing. Comedic timing, storytelling timing, its all timing baby. Its all science to Bettiezz. Aka Liz. Aka Bettie. Aka Imperial Dark Lord(ess?) Of The Sharpnailed Realm.
Its about being able to fight fire with fire. Anything anyone says to you, be it spoken word, typed word, or word conveyed to you via sign language. Disnae matter, there's a GIF for everything and she has them all. She also had the answer to the question "should I be capitalising the word gif?" but she isnt awake right now, and I'm no googling it, so I will continue to blindly capitalise that shit in the name of ignorance. Anyway. Liz built an empire on based on GIFs (the more i dae it in capitals, the less it feels 'right') and having a first name that lends itself involvement in empires. Mainly the GIF thing though. She wanted to live as a GIF more than anything else in the world. An existence based on something that pleases people on a loop. A funny wee clip, a pretty face, a racist falling down a well, a cool reaction to your stupid as fuck query. Whatever your GIF poison, she had it. Locked and loaded. She believed in GIFs. She believed they'd outlive us all, and thats why she wanted to become one. Mrs Doubtfire style, she went to a right good makeup artist. "Make me a GIF!" she demanded, and despite having it explained to her in great detail how you can't immortalise someone with eyeliner. She went to various leaders of industry. Creative experts. Guys who could animate inanimate objects and wave them in yer face. Real superpowers. None of them had answer. None of them could make her a GIF.
She never needed them though, ye see. Bettie was a GIF all along. To become a GIF you have to become a moment. A frozen snapshot of time, momentarily unfrozen, and played on a loop for all eternity. She closed her eyes and wished really hard. She wanted to become that time she drew a shady look to that guy in the post office, asking how much it would cost to send his sack full of christmas cards to each individual location, even though they were all the same postcode. He had to make sure. Of course he did. The fuckin dick. She wished so hard to become that moment of silent derision and it actually happened don't ye know. It fuckin happened. She was immortalised in GIF. A moment on a loop, being projected on to a giant whiteboard in Bettiezz's kitchen from now until the end of her days. She could never die now. Even when her human form aged and began to rot. That look would remain. As the worms ate her earthly corpse, she would live on as an internet phenomenon. Her wae they eyes.
As the years ticked by, she began to notice something, whilst her perfectly pert mid 20s independent female frame remained perky, and her perfectly dark hair remained untainted by greys, the GIF wis gettin auld. The GIF was making that classic auld person "ughhhhhhh" sittin doon noise. The GIF wis sick of it. Livng that same moment repeatedly for the duration of yer days? A grind. Bettie understood the struggle, but didnae understand why the GIF was aging and she wisnae. Unless.....did we topsy-turvy that muhfucka?
I think we topsy-turvied it! GIF repertoire so carefully built that it became a law unto itself. A GIF game so tight, her entity transferred into GIFdom, and the physical shell that remained stayed young. It stayed flawless. The GIFs beauty captured in a moment, but like most moments in time, it rotted. Soured by things unrelated to the moment itself. The shell was unblemished, it no longer felt the pain.
The auld burd in the GIF was still a ride though. Definitely wid.
No comments:
Post a Comment