Jo Venglos Must Be Some Kind of SuperCentaur

Dr Jo Venglos was going the Jamelia concert. He was going to the Jamelia concert because old people don't hear very well. This is the story about that.

"Its about me! I have to go" Exclaimed Jo, as his daughter once again tore into him with questions about his motivation for wanting to see a lassie who barely had 3 hits, only 1 of which folk actually remember. For some reason he seemed convinced the whole thing was about him, and when asked to explain why he held this theory he'd wink and go "thats for me tae know and you tae find out hen"...so off he went, heading to....I don't fuckin know, what kind of venue would even haud a fuckin Jamelia concern in 2014? King Tuts? The toilets in the Barras? Anyway, so off he went. To the toilets in the fuckin Barras, to see Jamelia live. Upon arrival he ordered a rum and coke, wae a twist of lime. "Anything for yer horse?" laughed the barman...."HAHAHAHAHA GOOD YIN MATE, CAUSE I'M HAUF HORSE, HAUF MAN....FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD THAT PAL...YOU'RE A BELTURRR...Just gies ma fuckin drink dickheid" Oh aye, I forgot to mention, Dr Jo Venglos is a centaur in this story.

So the barman made his drink and off he went tae the toilets tae see some Jamelia. There was one other spectator who Jo immediately recognised as Renee Dupree excitedly letting out a yelp of "Renneeeeeeeee!" 

"Yes sir? You know of my world class professional wrestling work?"

"No sorry, that's what you do? I just really like the name Renee. I google it a lot, and when I do, your face shows up....you had a lot of cool hair cuts...around 2008 maybe"

"Uhhhhhhhm....so you're a big Jamelia fan huh?"

"Not really, but she sings a song about me, so I come for the self indulgence...you?"

"Renee Dupree just loves him some Jamelia baby! Which song is about you?"

Dr Jo raised his eyebrow, glanced at his horsey back-end, and let out a sigh. 

"Seriously mate? Look at me. Its obviously SuperCentaur"

"Whit? How does that wan go like? Don't think I've heard it"

"Oh for fuck sake...this again, its her most popular tune ya clown.....goes lit this

People always talk about (ey oh ey oh ey oh)

All the things they're all about (ey oh ey oh ey oh)

Write it on a piece of paper,

Got a feeling I'll see you later.

There's something bout this,

Lets keep it moving,

And if its good lets just get something cooking.

Cause I really wanna rock with you,

I'm feeling some connection to the things you do.

(you do, you do).

I don't know what it is,

That makes me feel like this,

I don't know who you are,

But you must be some kind of supercentaur,

Cause you got all eyes on you no matter where you are,

(you just make me wanna dance)

Baby take a look around (ey oh ey oh ey oh)

Everybody's getting down (ey oh ey oh ey oh)

Deal with all the problems later,

Bad boys on their best behaviour.

There's something bout you,

Lets keep it moving,

And if it's good lets just get something cooking,

Cause I really wanna rock with you,

I'm feeling some connection to the things you do,

(you do, you do).

I don't know what it is,

That makes me feel like this,

I don't know who you are,

But you must be some kind of supercentaur,

Cause you got all eyes on you no matter where you are,

(you just make me wanna dance).

I like the way your movin' (ey oh ey oh ey oh)

I just get into the groove and then (you just make me wanna play),

If you just put pen to paper (ey oh ey oh ey oh)

Got that feeling I'll see you later.

Make your move, can we get a little closer,

You rock it just like you're supposed to,

Hey boy I ain't got nothing more to say,

Cause you just make me wanna play,

I don't know what it is,

That makes me feel like this,

I don't know,

Gotta be, gotta be a supercentaur,

All eyes on you.

Like that! Ye know the one!"

"Mate...first of all, you've got some pipes on ye brother, seriously impressive vocal display there...but she's saying Superstar mate...its no SuperCentaur...that isnae even a thing, or if it is, its certainly no you. You're an average centaur at best pal. Pretty auld. Probably not making great time in a foot race. Shite at football managing. Yer no a catch. Also don't tell anycunt Renee Dupree's Scottish, aw the France stuff pays the bills know whit I mean? Snd" 

Jo's heart was broken. But he had to be exposed to the truth. He couldn't continue to delude himself like this. Travelling up and down the country, listening tae Jamelia in pub toilets. Living a lie. It was never him. It was never about him. He was a mere pawn in her popularity contest. A pawn wae a tail, opposable thumbs and most importantly....feelings. He trudged off into the sunset, and Renee felt bad. Partly because Jamelia hadn't started yet and he was depriving Jo of a perfectly good Jamelia gig, but mainly cause of the heartbreak. He decided to throw him a verbal bone. 

"MATE...YE ACTUALLY URR A SUPERCENTAUR THOUGH! STAY STRONG BRUH"

With those words ringing in his ears Jo smiled warmly, took a moment to reflect, and trotted off into the distance. A heart filled with the compassion of humankind. Where he was eaten by a bear.

Moral of that story is, even if you turn a negative into a positive, and leave the whole experience with a better outlook on life, and the people you live it with, ye still might run into a bear. And bears eat centaurs. Every fuckin time. Textbook.